Monkeys are People Too

How Did I Get Here?

2008-08-30T00:43:00.004-03:00

Yeah, yeah, didn't write for a while. The usual reasons. Anyway....

Your humble monkey has been living in Montreal for oh, about 10 days now, if you can call sleeping on an air mattress in an unfinished apartment "living." One word of advice. If you are looking for an apartment in another city, and it seems perfect except for the unfinished renovations that the landlord promises will be done way before you ever move in, this monkey's advice would be to run, run away, and take an apartment that already has a floor and a kitchen sink.

At least we have a nice yard.

On the bright side, Montreal is a great place to be for any monkey that loves good music. Par Example: In the next few months, the following shows are going to rock this monkey's socks off:

9-14 - The Dandy Warhols
9-17 - Bloc Party w/ Holy Fuck
9-27 - Cake
10-1 - You Say Party! We Say Die!
10-2 - The Dears
10-3 - Wintersleep
10-4 - Julie Doiron
10-6 - Beck
10-7 - Stereolab
10-30 - David Byrne
11-5 - Feist
11-12 - Nine Inch Nails
12-1 - Neil Young w/ Wilco

This is only a small sample of the available live music 'round these parts. I may even try to fit in a few classes in between!

In keeping with the theme of the day, here for your viewing pleasure is a photo of a bike rack designed and produced by David Byrne for the city of New York. This is one of nine, and they are all different.

Yeah New York!

2007-04-01T05:09:00.000-03:00

Alright, so this monkey has completely neglected this blog for weeks and weeks, in favour of travelling to New York Monkey City and Face-Monkey-Book. Both of these forces have absorbed my attention to the exclusion of all distraction.

Firstly, New York was an awesome place for any monkey to visit. Tall buildings which can be scaled with long lanky monkey arms and dextrous toes; fresh bananas on every corner; a neverending supply of awesome monkey records like Funkadelic, The Smiths, Death Cab For Cutie, and other bands that monkeys like to dance to.

With respect to Face-Monkey-Book, well I guess you just would not understand unless you have a Monkey Profile.

Considering the late hour, (or early hour?) this monkey is going to sleep shortly so must cut this short with a promise to update again soon. In the meantime, here is a nice shot of some cousin monkeys at the Bronx Zoo.

Spearing On

2007-02-24T17:07:00.000-04:00

No, this is not about Britney Spears. Poor girl.

Instead, this is about chimps. Waaay hairier than Britney.

Researchers have discovered chimps in Senegal who make and use spears to hunt bush babies (apparently small nocturnal primates), demonstrating the kind of foresight and innovation that early humans possessed and developed into the state we inhabit today.

Give the chimps four million years and Earth truly WILL be the Planet of the Apes!!

Anti-Cafe

2007-02-10T12:28:00.000-04:00

While walking to the Local Record Store this morning to purchase Julie Doiron's new album, I happened across a poster advertising that Julie Doiron was going to be playing a show here in town. "Wicked!" I thought. That is, until I saw the date.

Julie Doiron played LAST NIGHT! At the cafe.... the same cafe we usually visit at least once a week and know the operators. The same cafe that e-mails a zillion people when their food is getting cold so we better go buy some. The same cafe that e-mails a zillion people whenever they take up a new cause (which is every day). But for some reason, when JULIE DOIRON comes to play a show, they for some reason neglect to do any promotion at all?? Accoding to the Record Store owner, the cafe didn't even put up any posters - the few that existed announcing the show were put up by the accompanying band.

I hope they save a cow from a dairy farm and keep her in the cafe, refuse to milk her, and get covered in exploited cow milk when her udder bursts. THAT I'd pay to see.

By the way, the Julie Doiron album is awesome. She has a beautiful voice and never sounds better than when Eric's Trip is behind her. Heads up to Saint John - Julie Doiron will play at Elwood's tonight. She will play Wolfville on March 11 and Moncton May 5. Don't make the same mistake I did!

The Virgin Premier

2007-02-04T18:05:00.000-04:00

This afternoon, environmental authority David Suzuki appeared in Monkeyton as part of his "If You Were Prime Minister" tour. A very animated and engaging speaker, Mr. Suzuki emphasized that you cannot discuss health without discussing the environment. As such, whether health or the environment is rated Canadians' top issue, Mr. Suzuki considers them to be one and the same.

Highlights of the event included Mr. Suzuki reminding us that New Brunswick currently has a Virgin Premier - with an empty head... and it is our job to fill his head with an agenda for New Brunswick to follow during his tenure.

Another key message was that there IS time and there ARE things we can do to limit global warming due to human activity. When we encounter those who say "ah, it's too late, there's nothing we can do... it's pointless," we must say "SHUT UP and get out of the way! We have work to do!"

An interesting aspect of the afternoon was the seemingly random appearance of a man in a squirrel suit. Funny about that..... squirrels seem to have been a running theme lately in many local monkeys' lives. Are squirrels taking over the city??

Quote of the Day

2007-01-27T01:56:00.000-04:00

"In the relations of a weak Government and a rebellious people there
comes a time when every act of the authorities exasperates the
masses, and every refusal to act excites their contempt...."

- Ten Days that Shook the World, Chapter 3: On the Eve
John Reed, 1919

Although originally written about the Bolshevik Revolution, this quote pretty much accurately describes The Office as well. And by "The Office" I mean "My Office." Those of you who may work there know what I mean!

Christmas Books

2007-01-17T22:25:00.000-04:00

One of the best things about Christmas, after family and turkey dinner and Christmas carols, is the books. Every Christmas this monkey is presented with an assortment of new and interesting books, each one containing knowledge and insight about the world and the human experience.

So far I've read five. I just finished "Night" by Elie Wiesel. This book is a first hand account of Mr. Wiesel's experiences at Auschwitz during the Holocaust as a teenager. It was not a particularly pleasant read obviously, but clearly illustrates the heights of both the depravity and the resilience that normal people are capable of. After the Holocaust Mr. Weisel became an advocate for human rights (although he has been criticized for not being very vocal about Palestinians' human rights). When accepting his Nobel Peace Prize in 1986, Mr. Wiesel stated:

"... I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."

In the Land of Opportunity, it's Harvest Time Again

2007-01-07T16:49:00.000-04:00

- Neil Young

New Year's is a good time for seizing opportunity. For example this weekend, my favourite monkey and I moved furniture around and scrubbed the floors underneath, arranged a new storage system for our record collection, and generally put our monkey house into better working order. Aaah, lemony fresh.

The Beatles Are People Too

2006-12-31T01:59:00.000-04:00

It seems that many Beatles fans hate the Stones and many Stones fans hate the Beatles. I can't figure this out. I love both bands. The Stones are raunchy, sexy, and smart - oh, so smart. Mick Jagger could have been any kind of business tycoon he wanted. He was the most sober Stone and the smartest - and thank God he chose music as his business avenue. But however awesome the Stones are, if I had the choice between seeing either band live, I would pick the Beatles any day.

Of course, I say this while listening to Abbey Road, the most awesome Beatles album ever. This album never fails to make me feel so full and happy and makes me want to sing and shout - It's also their most complex album (that I've heard - I will qualify this by stating for the record that I do not yet possess Rubber Soul or Sergeant Pepper). The beautiful harmony on "Because" almost makes you want to cry... a male friend of ours who plays in a metal band says that girls always love Abbey Road because of the harmony on Because, but so what???? I would defy any man to not feel anything while listening to this song.

And a song like "She Came In Through the Bathroom Window - which is really several songs in one, just speaks to the musical ability of the Beatles. Even though I think McCartney and Lennon were (and are) a bit flaky, they sure wrote some damn beautiful music. I prefer Lennon for his avante-garde unconventionalism, but really his lyrics make no sense to me at all. McCartney wrote nice cute lyrics about love and all that which makes sense to the un-poetic soul, but his un-poetic soul for some reason seems to be a bit lost lately. Poor old Paul. Makes you wonder what John would be doing if he were alive today.

Sometimes when I listen to the Beatles, the Stones, or the Beach Boys, I almost wish I had come of age in the mid to late sixties when all this new and challanging music was helping to change the course of people's lives and attitudes about the world.... what an exciting time it must have been. But after a few moments I remember that if I had been young in the 60's, I would be a old woman now, and would not have met my partner or my friends. So even though I missed out on the first round, I'm glad that this beautiful music can still sound fresh and new to younger generations like ours.

If you have a file-sharing program, go download "Because" and "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window" by the Beatles, and "That's Not Me" by the Beach Boys. Thank you, 60's bands, for recording your music.

Soon It Will Be Christmas Day

2006-12-21T08:56:00.000-04:00

- Christmas, 1985

Yes, it's that time again... the shiny, happy people are rushing home with their packages, the children have visions of sugarplums, and people think of charity, giving and family. It seems that the Christmas season means something different every few years. Back when this photo was taken, Christmas was all about presents and Santa Claus, and candy, cookies, seeing extended family, playing in the snow, riding the bus downtown with Mom to go to Zellers.... remember when Zellers occupied the Service NB building? There was an escalator! The only one in town! And when you got on the escalator and rode it to the second floor.... the second floor of Zellers was full of toys!!!! Nothing was more exciting as a little kid.

Later, Christmas meant a nice break from school, singing Christmas songs and performing in Christmas plays, going to Kings Landing, driving around town to look at the lights, going skiing.... and of course going to church and lighting candles. At our church the congregation lights candles, holds hands and sings "Let There Be Peace On Earth, and Let it Begin With Me."

When I got even older, Christmas did not come with a break.... it came with exams, working shift work, tight finances and the stress that most adults feel at Christmas.

After I started to think more critically about the church and its positions, teachings and beliefs, Christmas didn't feel so much like the glorious descending to Earth of a deity. Christmas carols about the birth of a saviour and glory to God in the Highest started to sound a bit hollow.

But regardless of religious conviction, I do think we all would do well to take the lessons of Jesus' life to heart. Whether God or Man, Jesus urged people to care for each other, give to the poor and not be concerned with material wealth. He taught people to forgive others and turn the other cheek, and to love our neighbours as ourselves. He taught that words must be backed up by actions or they are meaningless, and that doing good deeds should be done in secret since the point is not to be congratulated on your generosity by others. To me, this is what Christmas is about - a good yearly reminder for people to treat each other right. That's why this Christmas Eve, even though I don't believe that Jesus is going to return and ascend all God-fearing souls into some mystical afterlife, I will be at church singing "Let there be Peace on Earth, and Let it begin with me!"

A Song for the Clean Air Plan

2006-12-13T09:11:00.000-04:00

I wanted to walk through the empty streets
And feel something constant under my feet,
But all the news reports recommended that I stay indoors
Because the air outside will make
Our cells divide at an alarming rate
Until our shells simply cannot hold
All our insides in,
And that's when we'll explode
(And it won't be a pretty sight)

And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go

- The Postal Service: We Will Become Silhouettes

Traditional Since When?

2006-12-04T20:22:00.000-04:00

To Stephen Harper and others who advocate that the "traditional family" is the best way to raise children, I say since when is the insular nuclear family traditional? Perhaps most baby boomers out there today grew up in a mom-dad-kids family unit where Dad brought home the bacon and Mom cooked it, but I think this type of family structure has been a fairly recent phenomenon.

As I understand things, throughout history and culture children were generally not doted on by their parents. Their parents were usually doing other things necessary for the success of the family like working, and finding and preparing food. The kids were usually gathered up with the neighbour kids and taken care of by nurses, older kids, grandparents, etc. The point is the kids were taken care of as a group by the community and the mothers contributed to the functioning of society. Hmmm.... sounds a lot like a daycare system. But to listen to Stephen Harper or James Dobson of Focus on the Family, you'd think that depriving a child of its God-given right to constant individual attention from his or her mother will lead the poor tot into a life of delinquincy, crime and poor grades.

Instead of encouraging mothers to dump their kids in daycares on their way to work, Harper says, why not give them $100.00 per month (taxable) to stay home and buy Play-Doh?

Why not? Because there's Play-Doh at the daycare. Plus lots of other kids, educational activities, nutritious food, music, field trips and more. A daycare creates jobs and helps socialize children. A study released in 2001 by Human Resources Canada found that for most children, placing them in daycare had minimal or no effect on their development compared with children raised at home. However, the study found that of children in the lowest income group, those who attended daycare performed better on tests than those who did not.

Of course, if some moms want to stay home, then they should. Someone who loves children and wants to take care of them all day should be able to do so. These women are the perfect candidates to take care of one or two other kids along with their own. And they should get some money.... $100.00 tax free for every kid of their own plus every kid of someone else's they take care of. In fact, we should make it more than $100.00 per month. These mothers should be part of a national child care plan.

Which brings us to the Liberals. Their famous national child care plan is part of their newly released "Pink Book" (nauseating photo below) which is the Liberals' platform on what they believe are women's issues. By designating child care as a women's issue, the state is essentially absolving Canadian men of any of the responsibilities of child care; How to find it, how to pay for it, and who provides it. This attitude is exactly why the status quo hasn't changed in the last ten or fifteen years. There needs to be a shift in thinking.... children and families are not solely the responsibility of women but are the shared responsibility of men and women as equal partners.

Cash is not a child-care program. And these pretty pink flowers are patronizing. Doesn't anybody in positions of power get this?

The Rather Anticlimactic Day

2006-12-01T09:07:00.000-04:00

Well after all that buildup, all that preparation, all that dressing up... we couldn't get no satisfaction. We arrived at court nice and early, all of our witnessess who graciously took time off work to speak in our defense were present (thanks guys!!), and we all sat down ready to make our case. Unfortunately one important party was not present: The Judge.

The judge who typically handles City cases (like noise fines) had called in sick, so all the cases on the docket had been referred to the Provincial judge.... and as it turns out, the docket was full of drug-related criminal cases (well... at least one drug-related criminal case).

As a result, the judge asked if we would mind postponing until January. Of course we didn't mind! Anything to make his honour's day a bit easier. So we skipped out of the courtroom, conviction free for another two months, to enjoy the rest of our day off.

The Big Day

2006-11-29T08:42:00.000-04:00

Today is the day we have our day in court to defend ourselves against a noise fine that was assessed against us in July. We believe we have a good case and will win. More details to follow later!

Working like a Monkey

2006-11-18T09:15:00.000-04:00

Alright, so maybe I've been a litle negligent with the 'ol Blog lately. I've been working 10 hour days for the last two weeks straight, trying to bank up some time to take a week off, and earn some extra bananas. Plus, it's been raining almost every day and nothing much interesting has been going on.

But TODAY! The sun is out, the birds are chirping, and word is there will be a meteor shower tonight.

Alright, so that's all for now. I will leave you with this photo of an amusing restaurant sign located on Cabe Breton island.

No Show

2006-11-04T09:54:00.000-04:00

So we didn't go to the Sam Roberts show after all. It was just too expensive - $30 per person! For the caf! It would have been a cool show, but he'll be back around again I'm sure. I've seen his band before, a couple of years ago and they are pretty awesome. Anyway, I'm afraid there won't be a Sam Roberts review.

Instead, here's a picture of Stephen Harper as a gingerbread man.

Powerful Wind, Powerful Water

2006-10-29T19:08:00.000-04:00

This afternoon, my favourite monkey and I went out for a drive, it being Sunday afternoon and all. Well, we got out to the parking lot, and this is what we saw:

Ouch! Luckily, my car is green, not blue. Those were some pretty heavy Halloween winds last night!

After marvelling at this unusual sight for a moment or two, we made our way to the Mactaquac Dam, where we get much of our electricity. It's always fun going out there and driving over the dam. Unfortunately today it didn't look like the gates were open, but sometimes the water churning out of the gates makes for quite a sight. Instead we had to make do with these sights:

When I was a little monkey, going to my grandparent's house almost always involved driving over the dam. For many years I just assumed that ALL of our power came from the dam. After all, my parents always referred to the "Hydro bill" and it is the most prominent power generation facility within a half hour drive. I wonder if kids growing up in Saint John think all the power comes from Lepreau.

Carbon Credits - Helping the Earth, or Copping Out?

2006-10-26T20:57:00.000-03:00

Right wing fanatics be damned - Climate change is certainly and undeniably real, and burning all the fossil fuels we can get our hands on is exacerbating the problem. Climate change is happening all around us, plain to see with the naked eye. I mean, come on - look at the glaciers - or what's left of them. Look at the average temperatures over the past 20 years. It's getting hotter on average every year. And most importantly, look at the level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. In 2004, there was approximatly 377 ppm of CO2 in the atmosphere, compared with approximately 288 ppm in 1850 and 316 ppm in 1958 (Source: the Carbon Dioxide Information Analysis Centre or CDIAC). According to the journal Science, the current level of atmospheric CO2 is 27% higher than the highest point during the past 650,000 years. This was determined by drilling deep into Antarctic glaciers and studying the composition of ancient air trapped in the ice.

Enough preamble. We are pumping too much CO2 into the atmosphere and we need to reduce these levels. One fairly new development has been the emergence of Carbon Trading Markets - marketplaces where firms emitting more than the accepted level of carbon can purchase carbon credits from firms who are under target. Essentially the dirty firms pay the clean firms for their cleanliness. For example, a utility in say, New Brunswick, with old equipment inefficiently burning dirty coal, can pay a young utility in a developing country to install scrubbers or implement other measures to increase efficiency and reduce emissions.

Some people say this sort of arrangement allows the established dirty firms in the developed world to "cop out" and not take steps to reduce their own carbon emissions. I can see the validity in this argument. After all, every firm ideally should be taking steps to clean up their act.

HOWEVER: Since it doesn't matter where the carbon comes from, it all diffuses fairly evenly throughout the Earth's atmosphere, and the carbon situation is so dire that we need to do something right away. This is no time for romantic ideals. Carbon trading must occur to help curb emissions. After all, many North American and European utilities have facilities that are aging, but not yet to the end of their useful life. The cost of retrofitting a facility that may only have 5-10 years left of operation is prohibitive. They can spend half of that money and invest in brand new facilities in the developing world, where doubtlessly the firms there could get more bang for their buck, just from the exchange value alone. Voila: A population in a poorer country gets power and jobs, and their environment is spared 100 years of dirty energy (unlike the developed nations, where the energy supply was far dirtier than it is now during the Industrial Revolution). Then, all the money the North American and European firms saved on not retrofitting aging facilities can be used to build new, top of the line, clean facilities when the old ones have croaked.

Of course there can be problems. For example the carbon trading money should go to locally run firms, not appendages of the same big companies who are already running dirty plants. Also, the money must actually be used to improve emissions, not to line pockets of executives.

Developing countries aren't included in the Kyoto Accord because they wanted the same "opportunity" to develop cheaply (and thus dirtily) as the developed nations did. They argue that they shouldn't have to use their scarce resources to help fix a problem they didn't even cause, and rightly so. If carbon trading becomes popular, socially acceptable, and regulated, then perhaps developing countries will sign on to Kyoto since they won't have to use their funds for upgrading facilities instead of food.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. I know that you monkeys are well aware of the problems facing our poor planet and I'm preaching to the choir. I just felt like articulating it for my own self. If you've got other opinions on carbon trading, please put me in my place.

Weakerthan No One!

2006-10-21T11:05:00.000-03:00

Oh yeah.... the Weakerthans were awesome. They played in the ballroom, which is an infinitely better venue than the caf. We got there just as the second opening act (Christine Fellows) began. She had a nice voice and all but this monkey couldn't really get into her songs, which were pretty sad. One song was about driving home from the hospital after someone you love dies. Another song was about the apocolypse. Now, I've heard some pretty fun songs about the apocolypse (see Apocolypse Dudes by Turbonegro), but there wasn't really much that was fun about this set, I'm sorry to say. However, at the end, Weakerthans singer John K Samson came onstage and the two of them sang some top notch and lovely harmony. As it turns out, Christine Fellows and John K Samson are married to each other.

When the Weakerthans came on, they nailed it from the start. Near the beginning they played Our Retired Explorer (Dines With Michael Foucault in Paris, 1961).

"Comment allez-vous ce soir? Je suis comme ci comme ca.
Yes, a pengiun taught me French back in Antarctica"

"Thank you for the flowers and the book by Derrida
But I must be getting back to Dear Antarctica.
Say, do you have a ship and a dozen able men
That maybe you could lend me?
Oh, Antarctica!"

At that point, you just couldn't help singing and dancing along.

The Weakerthans have these great choruses, where suddenly they play louder and faster and the song takes on a whole new life... like Aside:

"Circumnavigate this body of wonder and uncertainty.
Armed with every precious failure, and amateur cartography,
I breathe in deep before I spread those maps out on my bedroom floor.

And I'm leaning on this broken fence between Past and Present tense.
And I'm losing all those stupid games that I swore I'd never play.
But it almost feels okay."

They've got great lyrics. The only song I know of of theirs that drops the F-Bomb (or any other bomb for that matter), has some of the simplest and sweetest lyrics of their repertoire, The Reason.

"And the time is never now,
And we know who we should love,
But we're never certain how.

I know,
You might roll your eyes at this,
But I'm so,
Glad that you exist."

The Best Moment of the show for this monkey was when they started into Plea From a Cat Named Virtue. This is my favourite Weakerthan's song. I've known a few people in my life who could use a cat like this! When they played this song, the crowd recognized it right away. This song has it all.... clever lyrics, a great climax (All you ever wanna do is drink and watch TV - Frankly that thing doesn't really interest me), and just when you think the song is over, the narrative has been sung in full... they go into this awesome post-song bridge (is it really a bridge? There's nothing on the other side) where they demonstrate the degree to which they can rock out, and still stay so together you could do quadratic equations on their beats - that's how precise they are. Wait, maybe that doesn't make sense.

Towards the end of the show they played probably one of their best known songs, One Great City! An ironic title since the song is about how much people in Winnipeg hate living in Winnipeg. Beginning with

"late afternoon another day is nearly done,
a darker grey is breaking through a lighter one"

and ending with

"up above us all,
leaning into sky
our golden business boy
will watch the north end die
and sing 'i love this town'
then let his arching wrecking ball proclaim:
"i...hate...Winnipeg"

The song kinda reminds you of Saint John. We all know who our own golden business boy is.

I'd have to say this was the best show I've been to so far this fall. Can Sam Roberts top the Weakerthans next month? We'll soon find out!!

Rhizomerific!

2006-10-16T21:16:00.000-03:00

If I just saw this thing lying on the ground, I'd probably think someone had their heart pulled out and left on the ground. But I would be wrong. It's no heart! It's a rhizome! And it's getting ready to come inside for a long winter's nap.

Our Canna plant has been dutifully storing away carbohydrates all summer long, and is now ready to rest in a bed of peat moss until thaw. Then, all those carbs will go to work producing new shoots and roots. Isn't biology wonderful?

Thank you Lord, for my dysfunctional family

2006-10-08T01:08:00.000-03:00

I think everyone's family is dysfunctional in some ways. Some families are very loving and affectionate, but my family is a bit more matter-of-fact. We tend to recognize emotions intellectually rather than emotionally. We know we love each other, but does that mean we have to hug all the time? Isn't knowing enough? Well, maybe we're all psychopaths.

I don't think so though. On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am grateful for my family, whom a bit nutty though they may be, are the only family I have; whom I grew up with and from whom I learned to nagivate the world, and I am truly thankful for them.

I am also thankful for my favourite monkey's family who is genuinely caring and affectionate, and from whom a monkey from a more reserved family can learn a great deal from.

It's also pretty nice to have bagels, cream cheese, and a nice warm bed. Goodnight and Thank you whoever you are!

Best Monkey Time - 153

2006-09-26T22:49:00.000-03:00

Mmmm.... Monkey Salad

2006-09-24T17:29:00.000-03:00

Today we made a salad using lettuce grown on our patio. Well actually it was grown on our neighbour's patio, and harvested on ours after she moved away and bequeathed her patio plants to us.

Went to go see Sloan the other night. They put on a pretty cool show. Although they've played here several times this was the first time I've seen them. Now that school is back in session there's no shortage of cool music coming through town. Just this month our little town has seen the likes of Joel Plaskett, Metric, Sarah Harmer, Sloan, and next month we'll be treated with the Weakerthans, a show I definitely plan on going to see.

//

All you ever want to do is drink and watch TV,
and frankly that thing doesn't really interest me.
I swear I'm going to bite you hard and taste your tinny blood
if you don't stop the self-defeating lies you've been repeating
since the day you brought me home.
I know you're strong.

- Plea From a Cat Named Virtue
The Weakerthans

Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey

2006-09-05T01:24:00.000-03:00

Okay.... I just met this girl. Now, I like most people I meet. And this girl seemed nice and interesting and everything.... she came here from Edmonton, Alberta to help the NDP's election campaign.

My favourite monkey and I went to a Labour Day barbecue at the home of some good monkey friends. We had a great time, and this girl, let's call her Chimpy, came sort of late, after the food was eaten, and after the sing-along ended (that's right, monkeys love sing-alongs!).

Firstly, when she and a few others went out for a smoke, I made a comment about smoking being unhealthy (a comment directed at my partner monkey who I'm trying to convince to quit). Anyway, little Chimpy comes over and says "Yeah, well I bet I can hold a note longer than you."

???!!! What???? She doesn't know me or anything about me! She made a total snap judgement about a complete stranger's ability. How obscenely arrogant.

Also, Chimpy referred to a highly popular and effective female NDP MP as a "cunt." Now, I have not met this MP and Chimpy has, but regardless of whatever personal issues these two have had, it's NOT cool for any self respecting progressive person to call a woman in a high profile position a CUNT! Especially one who represents the party you are working for and trying to rally support for!

Chimpy went on to describe how a certain group of other organizers hates her and are plotting to oust her from a board she sits on. Well DUH! Maybe people wouldn't hate you if you didn't call them CUNTS behind their backs!

In fact, she had nothing but bad things to say about everybody she talked about (which was a lot of people).

Of course, the person she talked most about was herself. I don't know about you, but if I am in a room for two hours with people I've never met, somehow ALL of the really cool and interesting things I've ever done in my life don't just happen to come up in conversation.... but from Chimpy we heard about her singing backup vocals for Avril Lavigne (but she was way too cool to actually remember Avril's name), about her managing stage shows, about her utopian little commune, and all the important people she's met.

Then, Chimpy went on to lecture all of the attendees on how much better our lives would be if we just weren't so attached to our possessions and lived in communal housing with a "free store" like she does.

This girl is NOT cool. Even if she has seen You Say Party! We Say Die! live in concert.

The Eric's Trip Show

2006-08-11T10:47:00.000-03:00

This past weekend, My favourite monkey and I saddled up the pony and rode to Sackville, NB, where we met up with some of our fine monkey friends who have been living out of town. It was a "flophouse" reunion of sorts. It was great to see them, and we had a blast rocking out at the Sappy Records Music Festival. The festival included mostly bands from the Moncton Scene, like Eric's Trip (reunited for one awesome show!) and the Peter Parkers. Why was it held in Sackville instead of Moncton? I have no idea.

I love Rock n' Roll, so put another dime in the jukebox, baby!

So glad for the weekend

2006-08-04T20:10:00.000-03:00

Yesterday at work, I took a call from a woman who was scheduled for disconnection because she had not paid her gas bill in months, and had not called to make payment arrangements. I advised her she would need to pay the bill and call back to report the payment. At that time we could call off the disconnection.

She demanded to speak with my supervisor, as she didn't want to waste her time talking to a "little girl" (strange, because by her date of birth I could see that she was only 4 years older than this humble monkey!).

I went back to check her account later that day, and as it turns out, her mother called in and paid the bill for her on her credit card. Who's the little girl now???? At least I don't need my mother to bail me out and pay my bills for me.

Yeesh.

Crafty Monkeys

2006-07-21T19:31:00.000-03:00

This monkey has decided to learn to knit. With the support of fellow monkeys of the female persuasion, a new and dynamic group of crafty monkeys has been launched with meetings Monday nights for the purpose of making nice things together.

Every monkey should be a part of such a group! It is very satisfying to be able to make something for yourself without having to buy it. Well, at least that's what this monkey imagines, as she has not yet completed any projects. At least, nothing that's actually functional. And hey, even if the project doesn't turn out, its a blast hanging out with other friendly monkeys.

I can't believe how hard it's raining right now!

2006-07-11T22:48:00.000-03:00

There's even lightning! How exciting... monkeys love lightning.

This humble monkey is in possession of a sweet rental car today. Why you ask? Well, your neighbourhood monkey's own car was involved in an unfortunate incident in which it was cut off by another monkey's car. As a result, it was unavoidable to collide with the other monkey...and take all of his bananas.

So the other monkey got a ticket for inattentive driving, absolving my own monkey self of feelings of guilt and responsibility for payment. While this monkey's vehicle is being repaired, a lovely new Sebring has been provided for all kinds of monkey shenanigans.

It's just not a party until the police come

2006-07-09T10:29:00.000-03:00

Apparently us monkeys cannot sit on the deck and talk after dark. Neither can any of our lovely neighbour monkeys.

Here are some selected lyrics to one of my favourite Smith's/Morrissey songs, just for fun. What a monkey. This one's called Cemetary Gates:

"So we go inside and we gravely read the stones
all those people, all those lives
where are they now?
with the loves and hates
and passions just like mine
they were born
and then they lived and then they died
seems so unfair
and I want to cry

A dreaded sunny day
so let's go where we're happy
and I meet you at the cemetery gates
Oh Keats and Yeats are on your side
but you lose because Wilde is on mine"

I might add that the song sounds much happier put to music than it looks in black and white.

Water Monkeys

2006-07-04T21:54:00.000-03:00

While in St. Andrews, us monkeys made sure to visit our underwater cousins, the seals.

Sporting Monkeys

2006-07-04T21:42:00.000-03:00

Us monkeys had a great time playing Bocce Ball. Monkeys love liesurely outdoor games!

Monkey Pirates

2006-07-04T20:08:00.000-03:00

Aaarrr Mateys..... while by the sea, this humble monkey and companions met this friendly pirate.... little did he know that us monkeys stole all his pirated gold! Yo ho ho...

Monkeys can build shelter

2006-07-03T16:17:00.000-03:00

This humble monkey recently went camping with several good monkey friends. All monkeys had a great time, and demonstrated that when necessary, monkeys can work together to solve a problem... in this case, inclement weather and no shelter for cooking our sweet sweet monkey vittles! Revitalized by the nourishing power of a specially prepared monkey watermelon, these brave monkeys built a shelter that would weather the roughest rainforest storms.